RICHMAN vs. CORPORATIONS

 Somewhere at the harbor, an illegal dumping takes place. "What do you think's in these 
barrels we're paid to unload every night, McGee?" "May the dear Lord continue to blanket us 
in ignorance & impunity, O'Malley." Toxi-corp. Beauty Bay.
Elsewhere, in the Third World, a heist is underway. "Quick Lewis, load that stolen well water 
onto the truck." "What about the poor people we're stealing it from, Jims?" "Don't worry. Our 
corporate overlords will sell it back to them at a reasonable price."
Mystical Springs Bottled Water Co. Later, at a manufacturing plant, a labor meeting is held. 
"Good news boys: the company's profits are up, the stocks are through the roof, and progress & 
expansion march forward." "What's the bad news?" "We're all fired."
U.S. Enterprises "Making goods for US" Deep in the sanctum of the Rich Cave, Richman 
studies the screens of the Crime Computer. "A new kind of crime is pillaging the pocketbooks 
of humankind, Billfold. Corporate crime." 
"And this corporate crime operates on a system of green unlike anything I have ever seen." 
RICH CAVE TOWER

"When I donned this top hat and monocle, I did so to seek truth, justice, and money. As a 
humble man of immeasurable wealth, I will not stand by and watch a beautiful empire, built
by finance, trampled upon by such careless boots."
"TIME TO WRITE SOME WRONGS!" CLICK CLICK. Scribble. Lick lick. RING RING.
BUTLER CALL. "You rang, sir?"

"Buttworth, I need you to mail these letters and ready the Rich-Cottage. I've got a plan
to save (the day)." "Yes, your Richness." $ $

Later, Richman's letters begin to arrive at the CEO'S offices around the world. 
TOXI-CORP. H.Q. "Excuse me sir, a letter for you." Thank you Merridew, fire yourself 
on the way out." Mystical Springs Bottled Water Co. U.S. ENTERPRISES 
"I wonder who this could be from?" RIIP. OPEN. READ.


Dear CEO, Please meet me at my Rich-Cottage on Tuesday. All your money problems 
will be solved. Sincerely, -Richman

Later on Tuesday, the CEO's arrive at the Rich-Cottage. "Excuse me my dear chap, where 
do I park?" CEO PRIVATE AIR. Parking Attendant.

"Over there." "Thanks." CEO CRUISES Rich Cottage Private Island


Inside the Rich-Cottage... "Gentlemen and lady, thank you all for coming. I've gathered you 
here today to solve all your corporate problems. As you know, corporations only only care 
about money. But what if they didn't? What if there was a new bottom line; 
some irresistible incentive for all of you to do good?" "After years of cutting edge research, 
science-trials, and careful construction, I believe I have finally created that incentive. 
I call it..."
SWITCH


Vrrrr. Chick Chick Chick. DROP DROP


"AHHHH" "HEEELP!" "NEEOOOH" "BLOODTHIRSTY SHARKS." Drop Drop Drop 
RAARH! SNAP! SNAP!

"As you can see I've been feeding these sharks a steady diet of bills for months. Their taste 
for riches is insatiable."'AHHH" OOH NOOO!" "AAHHHHHHHH" Dump Dump 
SNAP SNAP GRRRR
"A few nibbles here and there should provide ample motivation for you all to do some 
good for humanity." NIP NIP NIP NIP

"RICHMAN- NO! There must be another way!" "MERCY RICHMAN! What's good for 
humanity just ins't profitable!" "And if our companies don't make more profit than the day before, 
our shareholders will leave, and our businesses will collapse,
therefore unemploying the world, and destroying the economy!" "You see Richman, we 
have to make money, or else civilization is doomed." "Hmm, there might be another way. 
But it wont be easy."
"How about: for every good deed you do, every drinking well you don't poison, every tree 
you plant, every baby seal you don't club, your company shall receive a hefty shipment of shiny 
gold. By sparing your lives, this regulation of "gold-for-good" will go into full effect."
RICHMAN'S CORPORATE PLAN: "GOLD-FOR-GOOD" GOLD GOLD GOLD 
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "ANYTHING BUT REGULATION!" "DROP US IN THE 
SHARKS PLEASE!" "Kill mee." SNAP SNAP
"NOT SO FAST EAGER-TO-DIE CEOS! Regulation hasn't worked in the past because 
it was run by civil servants, independent watch-dog groups, and do-gooders. We all know there 
is only one thing that can truly regulate a corporation with success."
"Another corporation."


"Which is why today I propose that all corporations from here-on be regulated by the VISAP 
corporation. VISAP corporation.

"VISAP? Why them?" "Yeah, why not me?" "Or meeee?" 


"Just look at these expensive graphs. It makes sense that the corporation who is the most 
successful be in charge of all the corporations. And all VISAP asks for your guaranteed returns, 
is a mere 65% ownership of all your shares. LAST YEAR'S PROFITS: 
Economic Growth. Not Visap. Visap. Year: 1900s- Today. 
VISAP. All other corporations. Rest of earth. VISAP CONTRACT, sign here. 
SIGN VISAP. SIGN VISAP. SIGN VISAP.
"And in a baffling move today, corporations everywhere gave 65% of their shareholdings to
VISAP: a conglomerate (owned by famed tycoon Pubis Richly), which creates bright futures 
using finance, credit, technology, and progress. In other news, the mysterious Rich Man was 
seen coaxing a cat out of a tree by throwing small change at it. Just who is this rich and benevolent 
superhero?" PUBIS RICHLY, CEO OF VISAP. RICHMAN, MYSTERIOUS HERO. AON 
ALWAYS ON NEWS 24/7 And so the corporate day was saved.
And so the the corporate day was saved. "That's right, give everyone a raise, and put more R&D 
into pouring healthier toxic waste into the ocean. Doesn't matter if we're running at a loss- VISAP
 just got here!" "Special delivery, sir." "Take a few gold bars home to the Misses delivery boy." 
"Gee thanks Mister! I'm not in a relationship, but now I can afford to be!" Toxi-Corp And so 
the day-saving spread everywhere. VISAP Foods. BUY VISAP! Hotel VISAP. Visap Bay. 
VISAP Boat Co.
Everywhere. Visap. EVERYWHERE, BROUGH TO YOU BY VISAP. THE END.


RICHMAN vs. VIOLENT STUPIDITY

At a public park, reclining tycoon Pubis Richly enjoys the day off. "What a glorious day to take a dog 
for a poop."

"Don't worry Billfold, I'll dispose of your waste economically." Scoop Scoop Scoop

"Now to return to my problem-free weekend, (afforded to me by years of careful time and 
fortune management)."

"Yo, where my bros at?" Step Tap


"Pardon me, my benevolent fellow, but I believe you're standing on my picnic area. Could I 
politely ask you to relocate a few feet away?"

"WHY YOU STEPPIN' ME, BRO-FOE!? CHILLAX BACK-A-STEP!" SHOVE!


"I'm- I'm sorry sir I-" "GOTTA HAVE BRO-SPECT, HATER!!" 


"Sir, could I possibly persuade you to leave me alone, with this?" (Crispy Bills) 


"Hmm."


Poke! "NAW!" "Oooooooo"


"THIS IS A PUBLIC PARK, YO! I GOT MY RIGHTS TO STAND WHERE I STAND, BRO!" 


"I see you are not persuaded by the bills. Clearly, you desire something more..." 


"Bedazzling..." Creeak


"That's right, it's the Faberge Egg of Archduke Ferdinand..." 


Legend tells that the egg was stolen in 1914 by Royal Soldiers, who hid it in a mysterious location 
for many years... (Old McDonald's Farm) "M'yes!"

But legend also tells that any who posses this egg will have the power to build empires, and 
destroy those who stand in their way. "Let those who oppose mah empirah eat mah burgers! 
MAWUAHAH!" (Mom n' Pops) Old Mc D.
"The egg finally turned up yesterday when I won it during a high stakes gambling match of Rock, Paper, 
Scissors with the Pope. I'll now gift it to you on the simple condition that you use its immeasurable 
power away from my designated picnic area.



SUCK-SUP-SLURP 


SPIT 


"THAT AIN'T TASTE LIKE NO EGG! THAT'S WHACK, YO!" SMASH


KICK


"Perplexing! It would appear this man is so violently stupid, he can't even understand the concept 
of value... but if he can't understand the concept of value then... (GASP)"

"This looks like a job for..." DIVE


Rustle Rustle Change Zip


RICHMAN


Rich-drill WRRR


Laser-circuits, Wires, Construct, Build


Weld on the microchips, build, build


(FLIP) "My valuable work here is done."


toss, chuck, tie


CROWN


"So, as we were discussing-"


PUNCH


ZAP


BBEEEZZZZZZ


"Now you can enjoy your day while I enjoy mine, thanks to my new "1,000 Volt Bro-B-Gone 
Electro Fence Hat!" 

"Yes, today, Richman has taught us all an important lesson: if money fortune, and power can't fix 
other people's problems... Spend it on yourself."