One hot summer's day, mild mannered tycoon Pubis Richly enjoys the refreshing breeze of the
"And things are heating up today as Congress is still deadlocked over what to do
about climate change..."
"...if they can't come to an agreement by noon, Congress has agreed they will all kill themselves."
"Got your Koolaid cup ready?" "Sure do! And it's filled with poison!" "Can nothing avert this looming
disaster up on Capitol Hill?" LIVE AT CONGRESS: VBNN Very Bad News Network
"This looks like a job for Richman."
Moments later up on Capitol Hill. "Gentlemen please come to order, I believe it's time to kill
ourselves. Shall we put it to a vote?" "Hear, hear." "Cheers!" "Wait, what's that outside!"
"Look! Up in the sky! It's a dollar bill!" "No, it's a dollar bill driving a car!" "No, it's-"
CRASH RICHMAN! "Ahhhh!" "Neeaaahh!"
"Fear not civil servants, Richman is here! Now what's the problem?" "The ice caps are melting!"
"Global warming is fake!" "I want my mommy!" "I, for one, still thirst for poisonous Koolaid."
"Hmm... it appears you're all pinned between a rock and a Rolls-Royce. What you gentlemen
need is a common cause..."
"Saving the earth?" "Saving the human race?" "Working together because bad weather
affects everyone no matter their class, creed, or color?"
"No-no, gentlemen. You need a COMMON cause..."
A COMMON CAUSE 2000 TO BE EXACT! CHICK CHICK.
"Now you can all buy a trillion air conditioners and install them in every house in the world!" Bew
Bew Bew Bew Bew
"But what we need is renewable energy that won't pollute the atmosphere!" -Rep.
"Here's your renewable energy... (funding) BLAM BLAM BLAM
"A SOLAR PANEL FOR EVERY CHILD!!" "Now see here! The oil industry isn't going to
just roll over and let solar take over!" -Mr. Oil McLobbyist
"Then perhaps the oil industry should take over solar power... USING THIS!" CHICK CHICK
BEW BEW BEW BEW SHING PING SLAP HEEEAAAUGH BEW BEW
"Now, now, we need to set up a committee to regulate such a thing!"
And celebrate with a tasteful ticker-tape parade!
"We're saved!" "The earth is saved!"
Hear hear gentlemen, let us declare a federal holiday today: "The-End-of The-Climate-Change-
Crisis Day." Now the government can finally afford... to cut back on government spending.
"The climate is looking sunnier already. Just remember..."
"...REAL CHANGE is the kind you put in your pockets."