RICHMAN SAVES A BIRTHDAY

Deep beneath the modest grounds of Richly Manor... inside the secret sanctum of the Rich Cave... 

Rich Cave Tower

Richman studies the Crime Computer. "Each screen brings worse news than the next..." Billfold.

SUPER-SURVEILLANCE-VISION BY VISAP "A birthday party is robbed..." 

"Hand over the cake!"

"A robber is mugged by a birthday stripper..." "Hand over the clothes!"

"A birthday stripper is stripped..." "I paid good money to see some strippin'!" "Dad."

"These POOR bastards."

"To the Money Mobile!"

"First- to fill up the tank!" Fuel Dump Dump Crackle!

"IT'S FILLED TO THE BRIM."

Wrrr- Bzzt- Click. PETEEW!

"I'm off to save! (...those poor bastards.)

Meanwhile, at the birthday. "Gimme the cake!" "Gimme the clothes!" "Strippin!" "Look. Up in 

the sky."

"It's a bird." "No, that's a piece of poop." "No, it's-"

CRASH

RICHMAN

"You're petty crime days are over Mr. Robber. This bag of swag ought to stop you from robbing!"

"And you Miss Stripper, here's a wad of one hundred thousand dollar bills to stick in your 

G-string! That ought to buy you some clothes!"

"BUT NOW TO GET TO THE ROOT OF THIS CRIME."

"MR. DAD!" "Me?!! What the hell did I do??"

"You tried to save a quick buck by living in this filthy low-income neighborhood! Then you tried to hire 

this cheap birthday stripper instead of an expensive one!" "That's right! Real cheap!" "You may as well 

put up a sign that reads: CRIME PARTY! PLEASE STEAL MY BALLOONS AND SNACKS!"

"BUT- but, I'm poor!!" "Exactly, and that's how you'll stay until you start to appreciate the power 

of money!"

"BUT I LOVE MONEY!!"

"Yes, but you've forgotten one of the most important laws of money..."

"YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR."

"See?" DUMP DUMP SHAKE DUMP SHAKE Empty.

"Now have a happy birthday everyone! And remember..." Chug-a-Chug Chug

"A penny saved is less than a dollar spent!"

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RICHMAN vs. THE WEATHER

One hot summer's day, mild mannered tycoon Pubis Richly enjoys the refreshing breeze of the 

"And things are heating up today as Congress is still deadlocked over what to do 

about climate change..."

"...if they can't come to an agreement by noon, Congress has agreed they will all kill themselves." 

"Got your Koolaid cup ready?" "Sure do! And it's filled with poison!" "Can nothing avert this looming 

disaster up on Capitol Hill?" LIVE AT CONGRESS: VBNN Very Bad News Network

"This looks like a job for Richman."

Moments later up on Capitol Hill. "Gentlemen please come to order, I believe it's time to kill 

ourselves. Shall we put it to a vote?" "Hear, hear." "Cheers!" "Wait, what's that outside!"

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a dollar bill!" "No, it's a dollar bill driving a car!" "No, it's-"

CRASH RICHMAN! "Ahhhh!" "Neeaaahh!"

"Fear not civil servants, Richman is here! Now what's the problem?" "The ice caps are melting!" 

"Global warming is fake!" "I want my mommy!" "I, for one, still thirst for poisonous Koolaid."

"Hmm... it appears you're all pinned between a rock and a Rolls-Royce. What you gentlemen

need is a common cause..."

"Saving the earth?" "Saving the human race?" "Working together because bad weather 

affects everyone no matter their class, creed, or color?"

"No-no, gentlemen. You need a COMMON cause..."

A COMMON CAUSE 2000 TO BE EXACT! CHICK CHICK. 

"Now you can all buy a trillion air conditioners and install them in every house in the world!" Bew 

Bew Bew Bew Bew

"But what we need is renewable energy that won't pollute the atmosphere!" -Rep. 

Science Pants

"Here's your renewable energy... (funding) BLAM BLAM BLAM

"A SOLAR PANEL FOR EVERY CHILD!!" "Now see here! The oil industry isn't going to 

just roll over and let solar take over!" -Mr. Oil McLobbyist

"Then perhaps the oil industry should take over solar power... USING THIS!" CHICK CHICK

BEW BEW BEW BEW SHING PING SLAP HEEEAAAUGH BEW BEW

"Now, now, we need to set up a committee to regulate such a thing!"

CHICK BADADADADADA

And celebrate with a tasteful ticker-tape parade!

BADAADADADADAADADADA

"We're saved!" "The earth is saved!"

Hear hear gentlemen, let us declare a federal holiday today: "The-End-of The-Climate-Change-

Crisis Day." Now the government can finally afford... to cut back on government spending.

"The climate is looking sunnier already. Just remember..."

"...REAL CHANGE is the kind you put in your pockets."

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